Update + About me Tag

Hello everyone,

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. I just haven’t been inspired much and I’ve been busy with college. I’m now currently on Spring break from college so I’m hoping to post a few of these tags occasionally. If you have a Tumblr, feel free to follow me at http://cr0ssyourheart.tumblr.com/  I’m much more active there!

I occasionally get tagged in things on tumblr so I thought I’d share a tagged post so that you can get to know me me more! I think these are fun to do and maybe you should do them too! I’d love to read them! :)


Can you fill this out without lying? 

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Chinese food

2. Where was your blog picture taken?  Dining room

3. Worst pain you’ve ever experienced? Dating a sociopath for 2 years (long story lol)

4. How many times have you been married? None

5. How late did you stay up last night? 2am

6. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be? Probably to Pennsylvannia because that’s where my favorite person lives @mykeowns :D

7. Do any of your tumblr friends live close to you? Only about 3?

8. When was the last time you cried? Probably a month ago

9. Who took your profile picture? Me

10. (does anyone know what happened to ten?)

11. How many marriage proposals have you had? none

12. If you could have any career, what would it be? Counselor/School counselor

13. What was the last book you read? The fourth? book of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon

14. If you could talk to ANYONE right now, who would it be? My best friend Cierra. I miss her TONS

15. Are you a good influence? Decent enough lol

16. Does pineapple belong on a pizza? sure, do what you like

17. You have the remote, what channel will you watch? Adult swim

18. Whom do you think will play along? idk :)

19. Have you graduated from university? No

20. Your favourite football team? None, don’t watch it

 

I tag whoever reads this to do it!

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Lackluster Feelings

I’m slowly getting back into writing.  Here’s something I came up with while just opening my journal. I’m going to try to write more in my journal. I don’t have much to share to my blog because I’ve been uninspired. Here’s a shitty poem I wrote.  Thanks for reading! xoxo


Instead of your hand down my pants

Could you have traced your fingers up my arm to my hand?

Hold me in place

Take my place

Hold this moment

Picture this moment

Hope for a warm embrace

Missing you is like missing an old friend

There’s nothing to mend

But there’s so much that’s unsaid

Break me open

The emotions that we never share

The feelings aren’t mutual

Lustful actions

Stuck in a negative space

There’s nothing to replace

I’m stuck with lackluster feelings

The Acceptance Project (Part 1)

Trigger warning: Self-harm talk.

I was a cutter since middle school. This project is helping me get through my recent mental health issues. I’m Bipolar  and these past few weeks were pretty good so i’m getting better.

I will always miss cutting myself. That’s just how it’s going to be. I  don’t miss hiding my body, spewing lies about it just being a “Cat scratch” and hurrying to clean up before someone needs the bathroom.

I relapsed once but I’m getting through all of this day by day.

I sure hope you enjoy my photos. Mental illness is real and the fucking stigma around it needs to die. I’m tired of people being so judgemental.  Stop being fuck wads! Anyway, here’s some of the photos.


 Raw. My makeup is what keeps me happy and comfortable. I’m without makeup in these photos.

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Have you ever felt imaginary hands around your neck? The empty stomach that somehow is filled with pure adrenaline or anxiety. I will always hate that feeling.

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Stay away, there’s not anything you can do. You can’t love or wish a mental illness away.

12/31/16 – Room 33

I never make personal posts because I don’t feel like they matter or that what I have to say matters. I need to write though. I need to indulge in positive things or everything will completely go to shit.

I was committed for almost a week so everything is completely surreal to me. I thought I’d never go home. I’m lucky that I got to go home and I miss J so very much but I don’t think we’ll ever talk again.

Her smile was so beautiful it made my heart melt. Somehow I was able to talk to her like she was a long-lost best friend. We both have the same issues.

She probably forgot about me already but I miss her so much.

I saw her crying looking at a picture of her children. I asked her if she was okay and used corny pick-up lines to cheer her up.

Then we were friends just like that.

She said, “You look so sad when you laugh” or something like that, and that really hit me hard because it’s true. She was able to see through my facade.

She heated blankets in the dryer and gave one to me. We snuggled close by each other in the chairs in the Commons area. We watched TV, late night food bingeing and there was so much laughter I almost forgot that we were in a psych hospital.

I was discharged and they wouldn’t let me tell her goodbye. I was going to give her a stupid adult coloring book page, with my favorite song on the back. Of course the fucking cunts wouldn’t let me say goodbye.

Room 27 was mine and her room was Room 33. I saw her room and she barricaded herself in. She was worried that her ex-husband was after her and I thought that was a reasonable thing to do. We’ve both went through a lot of abuse and stalking.

I miss you, J. I wish you well and I love you.