Lingers

He lingers in the night

He lingers in the night

Everything will be all right

He scoffs in spite

He ponders what to do next

This man knows no boundaries

He lingers in the night

He lingers in the night

Separated between the window glass

He’s tapping at the glass

Scratching his nails across

He’s waiting for a chance to see her

Fighting to keep her

He’s been thinking of her

all day

He lingers in the night

He lingers in the night

He’s been waiting for hours

She’s been asleep for hours

Comfortable and unaware

She’s tugging at the sheets

He lingers in the night

He lingers in the night

This relationship was a cruel awakening

The window is breaking

muffled screams

Loud sex groundbreaking

Bruised

Blood

Break

He lingers in the night

He lingers in the night

 

 

Advertisements

Lackluster Feelings

I’m slowly getting back into writing.  Here’s something I came up with while just opening my journal. I’m going to try to write more in my journal. I don’t have much to share to my blog because I’ve been uninspired. Here’s a shitty poem I wrote.  Thanks for reading! xoxo


Instead of your hand down my pants

Could you have traced your fingers up my arm to my hand?

Hold me in place

Take my place

Hold this moment

Picture this moment

Hope for a warm embrace

Missing you is like missing an old friend

There’s nothing to mend

But there’s so much that’s unsaid

Break me open

The emotions that we never share

The feelings aren’t mutual

Lustful actions

Stuck in a negative space

There’s nothing to replace

I’m stuck with lackluster feelings

1/9/17 Strangers

She falls in love with strangers

She feels lost and vulnerable

As her coping mechanisms try to catch up to her

Older men and women take advantage

But what did you expect?

She falls in love with strangers

Strangers aren’t scary if they mind their own

 

She feels lost and broken but she’s none of those things

She’s strong –  just sometimes too hard

For her own good

She falls in love with strangers

Strangers with beautiful

Smiles

lies

eyes

12/31/16 – Room 33

I never make personal posts because I don’t feel like they matter or that what I have to say matters. I need to write though. I need to indulge in positive things or everything will completely go to shit.

I was committed for almost a week so everything is completely surreal to me. I thought I’d never go home. I’m lucky that I got to go home and I miss J so very much but I don’t think we’ll ever talk again.

Her smile was so beautiful it made my heart melt. Somehow I was able to talk to her like she was a long-lost best friend. We both have the same issues.

She probably forgot about me already but I miss her so much.

I saw her crying looking at a picture of her children. I asked her if she was okay and used corny pick-up lines to cheer her up.

Then we were friends just like that.

She said, “You look so sad when you laugh” or something like that, and that really hit me hard because it’s true. She was able to see through my facade.

She heated blankets in the dryer and gave one to me. We snuggled close by each other in the chairs in the Commons area. We watched TV, late night food bingeing and there was so much laughter I almost forgot that we were in a psych hospital.

I was discharged and they wouldn’t let me tell her goodbye. I was going to give her a stupid adult coloring book page, with my favorite song on the back. Of course the fucking cunts wouldn’t let me say goodbye.

Room 27 was mine and her room was Room 33. I saw her room and she barricaded herself in. She was worried that her ex-husband was after her and I thought that was a reasonable thing to do. We’ve both went through a lot of abuse and stalking.

I miss you, J. I wish you well and I love you.

Grown Man Cry

I’m tired of people I trust pussying out of everything.


It has always been hard for me to express my emotions. To anyone, because I’m vulnerable in every way if I do. You’re the one person that in some way it’s easy to. You’ve never judged me. There’s something special about you. There’s something unique and beautiful. You can’t see or realize this, which is understandable. Although, this makes me sad because I see so much in you, and you can’t see it. I hope one day that you will. You have a beautiful soul and heart. You are the best person. You are my favorite person.

I will always want you in my life. Always. I only hope you will always feel the same way too.

And he’s gone.