High school is a difficult place for every teenager. There’s that transition from middle school, (where it’s completely different in many ways) and then you’re a Freshman in a huge school where you barely have any classes with your friends anymore, and that’s when things start to internalize and isolation may be something that comes naturally. At least, that was my experience starting out in high school. I graduated from high school last year, and I’ve been thinking about writing about this subject for a long time. I finally got up the courage to.
I wanted to talk about high school relationships. Which seems to be so important in high school- it’s unbelievable. I fell into that peer-pressure of needing to be in one, because in high school you never wanted to feel like you’re out of place. I won’t get into specific details, but my first high school relationship was far from what you call a “normal” or “typical” one. It has cost me friendships, my trust in other people, and hurt feelings.
My boyfriend Freshman year was the only thing I truly cared about. He was either 17/18, and I was either 15/ 16; I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for most of my life, and having to depend on someone else was perfect for me. He seemed like a very nice guy, and he told me everything a 16-year-old would want to hear. The age difference was just the beginning to the trouble.
It wasn’t long until long after dating him that I realized he had a bad relationship with his family. They were abusive towards him, and of course he used that as a tool to manipulate me. (Not that abused people automatically abuse others.) He lied constantly, and of course flirted with other girls. This made me very depressed because I thought that this relationship was the world and I needed to keep him in my life. (Although my parents did not like him.)
I started self-harming a year before meeting him, and it just escalated and I was very depressed and my self-esteem was nonexistent. High school didn’t help. I stressed over my math class, usually high school drama, and so on.
I’ve never met a person so manipulative. He twisted my words, and told me I was acting crazy- never once telling me the truth. My family helped him since his never wanted to. Once in the hallway at school, I was arguing with him and he said something inappropriate (about me) to his friend. I nudged him to stop and he took his hand and slapped me hard on my hip.
It left a hand print. Now not only is it emotional abuse, it’s physical abuse as well. This is never okay.
Jump to a few years ago after breaking ties with him, being harassed by him; blocking him on everything else – I befriend another girlfriend of his, and I found out that he lied to her and did the same things. I also found out that he was kicked out of a school for being accused of raping a girl.
I wanted to include some warning signs, or things to look for if you’re in a first-time relationship with someone.
If you’re dating a person older than you, even if they’re only a few years older: Talk to your parents! You need their permission, and say on this subject.
I know, I know. Why would you want to do that? Your parents are very intuitive. They are your parents after all. They will be able to see first-hand if this person is okay for you to hang out with/date. Please don’t be mean to your parents. They care about you!
If their story changes radically they’re probably lying.
People who tend to be dishonest will eventually be caught in a lie. If they tell you something and then later on some detail changes; or they completely deny ever telling you that- there’s a high chance that they’re lying. If they get super defensive over you asking a simple question, there’s something more to the story.
If people tell you to stay clear of them. Listen.
I was told many times about my ex-boyfriend that he was no good. I didn’t listen. Start talking to the people who tell you this kind of stuff: it might help you in the long run.
Never let a person talk down to you. Push you around, or put their hands on you. That’s the last straw.
It can be hard to walk away and cut someone out of your life for good. It’s very important for you to do so.
Lastly, talk to your family (AGAIN)/friends and let them know what you’re going through.
If you don’t tell them, they won’t know.
Thank you so much for reading. Please share if you know someone in an abusive relationship.